To celebrate my crappy (blech!) 29th birthday, I gave myself (surprise surprise) a trip to England to visit Clarkey! Cripeys, this was my third trip to the UK so far this year! This long-distance relationship stuff sure is a pain in the butt! They oughta come up with some sort of international travel promotion, say, uh... every 5th round trip ticket comes with a free dual citizenship or something! Yeah, that's the ticket! If I was legal to work and live in England as well, then I could just spend half my year in LA, and half in the UK, instead of commuting back and forth every five minutes! Hm, maybe I could get one of those 'celebrity ambassador' type deals, like Angelina Jolie has, y'know, promoting goodwill between the Brits and Yanks... (I should probably delete all references to UK customs officials as "buttmunchers" from my website before applying for the position, huh! Hehehe!!)

A toast to the beautiful English countryside! (with a California chardonnay - oops!)	Hm, naked wood nymphs could be why Robin Hood and his Merry Men liked living in the forest!	Clarkey catches a naked wood nymph and prepares to have his wicked way with her!	Ah, what better way to get back to nature, than a quick anal in the park! LOL!!

The weather was so amazing I actually had to go buy a pair of sunglasses!	Hey Clarkey, I think I see a farmer towing our car off his property!	Guess which tourist spot I'm at? Yep, it's the world's oldest set of dominoes!	Stonehenge was ok, but the nearby "Rare Breeds Animal Farm" was REALLY fun!

I like exploring the outdoors for wildlife after dark, and watching for comets & meteors too!	Here's a two-part pic of me enjoying my first cup of piss-warm, flat British beer.	Here's a giggly pic of Asia feeling goofy after two piss-warm glasses of pub ale!	Ok, let's play hide and seek! Bet you can't see me - I'm disguised as a tree!

Penshurst Manor and Gardens, with dusty cobwebs that date back to the 13th century!	Hm, these may be the first man-made boobs ever exposed to such a historic location!	Look, I snagged a pic of Clarkey doing his impression of a garden fountain statue!	Boy, I'm starved - good thing these gardens have fruit-bearing trees to snack on! Hehe!

What I'm thinking here - "I bet I'm getting some really gay tan lines right now!"	Don't try this at home: it's only cute when girls flash - guys usually get arrested!	Ah, the mating call of the wild Asia seems to have lured a potential mate!	Brits call kissing "snogging", but THIS is what I think of when I hear "snogging"!

I was bummed about the total lack of marine life - do they import all their fish or what??	Hever Castle, childhood home of Anne Boleyn, ex-wife of King "I don't do alimony" Henry VIII	We stayed in the master suite at Lainston Manor for a few days - look, can you see my room?	The Manor prepared a proper British picnic spread for us, flowers, wine, china and everything!

Strolling through a meadow... sipping my wine... stepping in a cowpie...	Hey, I feel a draft back there - has my dress got static cling again?	Posing on a wooden bridge like this in high heels is quite a leg workout!	Ta-ta, England! I raise my glass (and dress!) 'til next time - cheers!